Saturday, February 4, 2012

Who needs Colon Blow when you have a surgeon named Fierce?

So I had a few of my insides removed recently. It wasn't my choice, they practically begged to be removed. Like a group of bad teenagers misbehaving at the movie theatre they had to be ejected. A few weeks ago, January 12th, a Thursday, to be exact I worked all day, came home, ate dinner and about a half hour later I was completely fine and then the next second I had horrible stomach pains. I sat at the table for a few minutes then decided I REALLY needed to lay down. I lay in the bed thinking, "Great, now I have the flu." I thought maybe a hot bath might make me feel better. Nope. Then I sat there thinking, "If I could just throw up I KNOW I would feel 1000 times better." Well I didn't puke and I couldn't seem to make myself do it, either. The next day I called in to work and sat miserably in the recliner. I still had an appetite, which started me thinking that this was no kind of flu. By Saturday I felt no better. I had a parent meeting for Girl Scouts in the morning and a couple times as I sat there I thought, "Oh god, this is it. I'm about to puke. I wonder what these snobby moms will think if I run over there to the trash can and hurl. Maybe I should just run outside. Maybe I should just curl up on the floor and die right here. I am in a church after all. Seems appropriate." I ended up sparing all of us the awkwardness and didn't puke or die. We had a kid's birthday party to go to at 11 but instead we made reservations at our nearest Emergency Room. After peeing in a cup, getting blood drawn, an ultrasound and ordering a delightful IV of morphine and an anti-nausea med, Dr. English Accent said I have a pretty bad bladder infection and maybe something could be wrong with my gall bladder. "If you're not better by Thursday, come back and you will have won yourself a CT Scan." The morphine cocktail had me feeling not so bad when I left, so armed with my new antibiotic, vicodin and anti-nausea prescriptions we got some dinner and headed home. 

Sunday had me feeling pretty much the same and on Monday morning I felt about 50% better. Knowing I couldn't take the vicodin at work I took some anti-nausea pills and headed out. I told everyone my story of going to the ER, "They think it's either my really bad bladder infection or maybe my gall bladder, so we'll see." I said. I went to lunch and got really, really tired so I put my head on the break room table and consequently passed out. I woke up about 20 minutes before my lunch was over and as my boss was walking into the room. He was kinda chuckling at me and he said, "You know what. I think you're done for the day. Why don't you go home and get some rest." It seemed like a really stellar idea to me so off I went. I came home and slept the rest of the afternoon away in the recliner. Adam made dinner and I ate very little. I really had no appetite since I left the ER on Saturday afternoon. 

That night as I slept I woke up around 3am and started to roll over in bed when I got a sharp pain on both sides of my stomach. It only lasted for a few seconds. The next day I felt HORRIBLE and called in to work. I   decided to try to call my regular doctor and ended up crying on her nurse's voicemail. "That's it, we're going to the ER." Adam said so off we went. 

After hearing my story and what had happened at my last ER visit they ordered a CT Scan right away and I began drinking the lemonade/contrast dye. A couple hours later I had my scan and they said it would be about 30-40 minutes before I heard the results. Fifteen minutes later my ER doctor literally came running into my room and said my appendix had ruptured and that they had already called the surgeon. About 10 minutes after that my surgeon, Dr. Fierce, was in my room telling me something about my colon, my previous hernia, which was back, btw, and that I would be in the hospital for the next three to seven days. Wow. 

My nurse asked if I was in pain, (duh) and gave me some morphine in my IV. I ended up FINALLY throwing up from the morphine and just like I had thought five days prior, felt SOOO much better. 

At about 5pm the wheeled me to the OR and almost as soon as I was on the OR table I was under anesthetic. My appendix had ruptured a portion of my colon so Dr. Fierce had a lot of crap (literally) and infection to clean up, and he also had to re-route my small bowel to another part of my colon. The coolest part of all was they repaired my hernia with a new mesh made from the back of a cadaver. Adam says this automatically makes me part zombie. I woke up after 10pm in my room and in a lot of pain. 

The next day I was up and walking around. Not a lot but they said I could get out of there quicker if I got up and about and I wanted the HELL out of there. My blood sugar was really high after surgery so I was the proud owner of an insulin drip for the next 24 hours, along with my 7-day non-stop IV antibiotics. I also got to have my finger pricked every hour on the hour and by the time it was all over my sugar had dropped too low and my finger tips were bruised. I graduated from ice chips to popcicles, (which somehow we had to buy ourselves because the hospital didn't have sugar-free ones) to a clear liquid diet. That was great for about two meals but by the time dinner came on day two, my blood sugar was about 65 and looking at chicken broth and jello made me want to gag. Also I became anemic and had to have two units of blood. 

By the end of day two things on the insides were moving. They were actually moving too well if you know what I mean and because of that I got to move up to a little bit better liquid diet. I was moving and grooving up and down the halls, crapping my brains out and watching a whole lotta Lifetime Movie Network. Lifetime television is great because you can fall asleep watching it and you don't really miss out on anything. By the time you wake up someone is still getting abused by their boyfriend/husband, they are still escaping to a whole new town to escape with a new identity and they are going to find a new love. Same story line, just different actors. 

The whole time I was also being treated to some pretty great narcotics. Narcotics that would make me hallucinate. Not Fear and Loathing kind of hallucinations, just the kind that would make me smile as I closed my eyes and prepared to pass out. Most every hallucination involved Blake. At one point I could see Blake dressed as a Beatle circa Sgt. Pepper wearing John Lennon sunglasses and a nehru jacket. Kinda like this:



He wasn't actually doing anything. I could only see him from the shoulders up. Just sitting there. 

Come about Friday there was talk of me being able to go home on Sunday. I was stoked. I was also eating regular meals, if you want to call hospital food "regular". I was also getting pretty pumped up for the world premier of the Lifetime movie about Drew Petersen starring Rob Lowe on Saturday night. 

By the time Saturday rolled around I had blown out three IV's. Apparently antibiotics are pretty hard on them. My nurse tried two other places to put in another IV and she couldn't get it done. "If we can't put in another IV you're going to have to have a central line put in your neck." I was freaking out. They called in the nursing supervisor and she got an IV put in what she called the last place on my body she could possibly use. It was in the fold of my elbow which meant I pretty much had to keep my arm straight. My sister came to visit around 5pm on Saturday and my hospital dinner was actually pretty good. I was pumped up for my Saturday night movie night. My plan was to visit with my sister, have help getting a shower and settling in for my movie. My sister left around 7 which gave me an hour before the movie. As the nurse wrapped up my IV and got everything ready my IV pump started beeping. Turns out she didn't plug it in after my walk earlier so it the battery was almost dead. I was going to have to let it charge before my shower. I ended up missing my movie. Bitches. 

I was released the next day, as planned and I spent the week taking recliner naps, watching TV with Adam and running to the bathroom. I came home with a drain still in my wound which I was hoping would get removed at my doc appointment that Friday, but they had to leave it in. I did get about 7,000 staples removed, however. Also my wound isn't quite as healed as they would like so I had to go back to the doctor again yesterday. I went back to work this last Monday, still just a bit sore but feeling soooo much better than the last time they had seen me sleeping in the break room. 

I got my drain removed on Friday and have to change the bandages on my incision twice a day but I am feeling a little better every day. I'm finding things that I can and cannot eat very well and I'm looking forward to the day I'm back to "normal".